1900 Mansilla street
Ituzaingó
Buenos Aires
Brooklyn Broadcast Company
New York
13 April 2015
I am a member of a
company called “Young future” who worked hard on a great project, and I am
writing in order to present it. It is a soap opera named ‘Lookin' 4 My
Place’ and it focuses on teenage students who attend their last year
of secondary school.
This tv show is
intended to last from March to December, and the topics to be developed are
urban tribes, sexual experience, teenage pregnancy and homosexuality.
The plot centres on
Matias, a boy who is the new one at school. He was brought up in a gay family
and this is why his mates bully him most of the time. He finds shelter in
Agustina, a beautiful girl who looks forward to being a mother to leave home.
Agustina has a friend called Paola who is scared of experiencing sexuality due
to her moral values, imposed by her parents. The most polemical character is
Dylan. He is the oldest in the course since he has retaken it twice. He is a
member of a dangerous skinhead gang in the school. Not only teachers but also students
leave him aside of the school community.
As the story develops,
Paola falls in love with Dylan. This is a conflict because this romantic
relationship between these opposite characters will be more than rejected by
Paola’s parents and commented among their classmates.
‘Lookin' 4 My Place’ will
be appealing for the adolescent viewers since the tv show explores the
relationships between the four main characters during their last school year.
I enclose a sample of
this magnificent plot for you to have a copy and I look forward to hearing from
you shortIy.
Yours faithfully,
Young Future.
"...a beautiful girl who looks forward to being a mother to leave home" Does this phrase mean that she wants to be a mother in order to leave home? Or does she want to do both things? Perhaps there's a colon or a coordinator missing, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI know a couple of cases in which girls wanted to be pregnant in order to leave their home because they suffered mistreatment. they wanted to live with their boyfriend's families.
DeleteTo Rosario, the phrase means that this girl wants to be a mother so she can leave home. Maybe a coordinator like "so" will resolve the ambiguity. Thanks!
DeleteI think that you should not write 'dear' in a letter which is addressed to the president of a company. What I mean is that you don't know this person and you don't have any confidence with him. Usually, when we write 'dear' in a letter we are writing to somebody that we know, and it implies certain feeling of affection. I would advise you to remove that word and just leave 'President Smith.'
ReplyDeleteI´m sorry but I disagree with Amilcar's comment. The conventions in English are different from the Sapnish ones. Apart from that, I think it has to do with politeness and with what is politically correct. Besides, if we only wrote "President Smith", it wouldl sound rude. Am I wrong? :)
ReplyDeleteRosario you're right! Thank you very much for correcting me, and sorry guys for correcting something that was right. The thing is that I thought about 'dear' as the word 'queridx' in Spanish. But dear also means something like 'estimadx'. So yes, the use of 'dear' in the letter is perfect. Sorry again!
ReplyDeleteDon't be sorry, we aren't judging anybody, we are just leaving our humble opinion in order to help each other. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI had the same doubt Amilcar had had,too. But later,reading the comments Iearnt that "dear" impplies some distance (let's say!)
ReplyDeleteI had the same doubt Amilcar had had,too. But later,reading the comments Iearnt that "dear" impplies some distance (let's say!)
ReplyDelete.."I enclose a sample of this magnificent plot for you to have a copy and I look forward to hearing from you shortIy."
ReplyDeleteI think that here, after the word copy, you should have to put a final dot and separate the sentences.I would also change the word shortly, because it sounds a bit informal.
I agree with Fedra's thought. I think that "I look forward..." Should be written after a dot and in the following paragraph and perhaps, you can get rid off "Yours sincerely".
DeleteHi guys! I liked your letter; it is very complete. Great description of the plot! It sounds very interesting, and the diverse realities of the characters makes it even more... (oh, I don´t want to write interesting again) eeeeem, yes, even more intriguing! However, I don´t understand... are you stealing the project from the company you work in? The way you introduce yourself/ves is quite mysterious, isn´t it? "a member of a company (...) who worked hard on a great project" I´m not actually sure it is wrong, but doesn´t it seem that there are too many indefinite articles together there? I would change at least one of them in order to make a stronger/powerful introduction... or instead of "I´m just a modest member" I would say "Hey there! I´m THE man" maybe to show your conviction and strong personality. If I´m talking nonsense let me know please! Just another comment... perhaps, I would have spoken a little more about Matias. I think that you expand more on the other characters rather than him who is supposedly the main one.
ReplyDeleteHello again! Now I agree with Camila because I think that you may expand a little bit on Matías character although you didn't want to expand in order not to spoil the plot of your "TV show"
DeleteHello again! Now I agree with Camila because I think that you may expand a little bit on Matías character although you didn't want to expand in order not to spoil the plot of your "TV show"
DeleteWhen I first read the title I thought it was about teenagers moving out from their parents' houses. And then I read the rest and was like "ohh, that is so clever". I love the many implications one can find in the name of the programme.
ReplyDeleteI have something to say about this paragraph, "As the story develops, Paola falls in love with Dylan. This is a conflict because this romantic relationship between these opposite characters will be more than rejected by Paola’s parents and commented among their classmates." Maybe it is just me, but it sounds very Spanish, specially the part that says "this is a conflict because this romantic relationship between these opposite characters..." There are many demonstrative pronouns together in just one sentence. In my opinion, they lessen the effect or the complexity of the issue about Paola and Dylan’s relationship.
Hello people! Firs I want to tell you that the tittle for the tv show is excellent. The tittle says a lot about teenagers since they are always looking for their place. But I have an objection to make, when you say: “He finds shelter in Agustina, a beautiful girl who looks forward to being a mother to leave home. “ you immediately write: “ Agustina has a friend called Paola who is scared…” I would place a connector between these two sentences, I would have written: At the same time…between them so as to have the feeling of having two facts happening at the same time. If there is no connector the two sentences seem to be forcefully together.
ReplyDelete