When I was a child my older sister, María, used to buy a lot of storybooks for me, not only for my school but also for pleasure. She used to read me classic fary tales from a Losada collection, which I still have. However, the stories I liked the most were those she made up for me. She used my name and my best friend’s name in her stories. I loved that. We used to fight drangons and monsters, and always win.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Text discussion 1
This is part of the someone's retelling of her experience with children's literature. Read it carefully. Do you find anything to question or correct?
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I would say that after the introducory phrase "when I was a child", a comma should be written!
ReplyDeleteIn my case, what has caught my attention is the last sentence. There is a missing subject in: "(...) and always win." Therefore, it´s not clear who wins. Moreover, the first clause of this sentence is making reference to a past habit by using the construction used to ("used to fight") but then, the next clause is in present tense ("win"). I should wrote "won" instead.
ReplyDelete(OMG!! I´m sorry) *I should write...
DeleteIn the sentence "She used to read me..." I think that we must write "She used to read TO me" because it's impossible to read a person! We aren't books! Hahaha.
ReplyDeleteAnother detail: FAIRY, not fary!
I would add the preposition "against" after the verb fight as there´s sth missing when you read the sentence.Another point is the "n" in drangon. It is incorrect.
ReplyDeleteI'd make a suggestion more than a correction, "used to" is repeated in three of the five lines of the paragraph and "used" is present in other line. Maybe, we could find a synonym or a different expression in order to avoid repetition. For example "She included my name...." instead of " She used my name..."
ReplyDeleteI Agree with you Pau!
DeleteI agree with that too! It is quite repetitive.
DeleteI was thinking about the lack of connection between the whole paragraph and this sentence: "We used to fight drangons and monsters, and always win." The writer was telling us about the books and how her sister used to read her, but suddenly the topic was switched into something totally different. I would use a connector of contrast, addition or a full stop.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I was thinking exactly the same. I feel that the last sentence came up out of the blue and it has no connection at all with the topic which had been dealt with before.
DeleteI would suggest to re write this sentence in a way in which it could be connected with the rest of the text.